DI Ch 211

“You look tired.”

“I’m fine.”

“Let’s see it tomorrow.”

“Now.”

Startled by my voice coming out higher than usual, I stumbled on the last word. Now, here. Where did I get irritated? Because I knew that even if he said tomorrow, it would just be empty words in the end. I didn’t know what he was thinking, but I knew he had no intention of showing me Sand. Even so, I didn’t want to get annoyed. I hated even making mistakes. Someone just covered up something that wasn’t even their fault. …Still, it was too much to shut down any possibility of discussion beforehand.

When we went so far inside that I wondered if such a place even existed, a tightly closed gate appeared. It looked unusually clean, almost like new. When I grabbed the handle, I heard a dog bark. An eerie feeling crept up my neck almost simultaneously. As I hesitated, he said:

“Don’t come in, stay there.”

He gripped my shoulder once tightly and then went inside. I watched his back as he entered and hid myself behind the half-open door. I’m not sure why I’m hiding, why I’m so anxious. I just wanted to run away if I could escape this place right now. The only thing that kept me from bolting was the lingering sensation on my shoulder – I could still feel his hand there, giving me a strange strength.

Through the gap in the door, I saw Sand, who had grown quite big. Joy came first, but even quicker than that, my body froze. I tried to relax my stiffening face, but it wasn’t easy. I didn’t know if Sand recognized me from this distance, from this small gap, or if it was just happy to see a person – he was desperate to come to me. And here I was, pathetically unable to even go inside.

Oh.

“Oh dear.”

“Did Sand just pee?”

“I think he’s just excited. Don’t come in, stay there. I’ll calm him down and come back.”

Saying that, Tae Seong-je took Sand across the yard and opened a door. It was clearly a room for the dog, which was somehow cute and made me feel a bit clearer-headed. It wasn’t so much that Sand having a big room, or rather a big house all to himself was cute, but rather the person who provided it was cute. He told me to take care of it, but ended up doing everything himself.

As I watched them from afar, my cell phone rang three times in a row. When I turned it on, the last article I had seen was still there. It said all the victims were subjected to something even worse than the date r4pe drugs that had appeared before. A faint hope arose at that moment. The events of that night after drinking were all sudden. That, his behavior, was different from what I had seen in movies. Usually, with date r4pe drugs, people collapse without a chance to resist, don’t they? They don’t typically exhibit such violent and coercive behavior.

I was naive. [19:49]

It’s Woo Ji-min. For a moment, I thought it was directed at me and felt a pang of guilt. Reading the rest of the messages I had missed, I saw he was blaming himself again.

Did you arrive safely? [19:48]

I’m sorry for giving you that without checking properly. I told you when we parted, but I think you didn’t hear, so… [19:48]

None of the gifts I’ve received from others have been any good… [19:48]

My mind wanted to reply that wasn’t true, but my fingers moved on their own. 

[19:50] Is the person who reported it also a victim? There’s not much information out there.

No? I think that person just took some kind of medicine or something like that? [19:50]

I’m not sure if the police don’t know the details or if they’re just not disclosing them… It’s not coming out much in the articles either. [19:51]

I stared at the phone screen, pressing hard on my abdomen. There was definitely less coverage about the person who reported it. In every article, it was barely a single line, with no interviews and sometimes not even mentioned. Is it because the perpetrators were mostly famous people? All the attention seemed focused on them. It even looked like they were steering it that way.

I watched Tae Seong-je messing up Sand’s hair and closing the door, panting. Could the person who reported it, that person, be hyung?

“Hyung, I…”

I smiled faintly as I saw the smile on his face as he approached me.

“…I think I have indigestion.”

“…”

His expression immediately turned serious, making my stomach sting even more. I could already hear him asking why I didn’t say something right away, even though he hadn’t scolded me yet. After massaging my hands, taking medicine, and resting, it still didn’t get better, so we decided to go to bed early. I wondered if I’d be able to sleep, but I must have been tired because as soon as I confirmed that hyung had fallen asleep first, I passed out. I couldn’t even check if he was pretending to sleep or not until the end.

That night, I had another nightmare. Under the collapsed building, buried in the debris again, I waited for my breath to stop, unable to move. I vaguely realized it was a dream, but kept forgetting and panicking. Why am I here? Why still? The terrifying thing was that I was alone here. All I could see was pitch-black darkness, and my breathing kept getting faster and more tangled. It felt like being trapped in a coffin, and I thought it might be better to just close my eyes.

I don’t think I can get out of here. Would all of this end if I rotted away with that deep darkness below the surface? I heard the wind whistling through the gaps in the debris and the sound of water flowing. That small sound echoing all around sounded like a ghost crying, and I cried along with it. Saying I want to get out, save me, take me out, help me… Although the only sound coming from my throat was sobbing.

The pitch-black view in front of my eyes suddenly started changing to a dim indigo color in just a moment. My wet cheeks seemed to tremble under the star-studded night sky. At that moment, my legs, which wouldn’t budge no matter how much I struggled before, suddenly moved, and something soft gave way beneath them. It was sand. I sat up abruptly and looked ahead, and the scenery had changed to a vast sea and sandy beach.

The sand grains on my bare feet tickled pleasantly, and a cool breeze blew in with the refreshing sound of waves. In this picturesque scene, the tension drained away, and I scuffed the soft sand with my heels. At the edge of my vision, someone entered. They sat down next to me, looking at the night sea. The same school uniform, a face that looks young – I didn’t realize it then, but I can see it now.

Ah, this.

I remember this. I remember that day when we impulsively boarded a train together, spent less than two hours at the night sea, and returned home on the last train. Though the time we spent looking at the sea was very short, but the excitement was enough to keep me up all night. If I open my eyes now, I’d probably see myself with no trace of youthfulness, but as I look again at hyung, at sunbae, slowly blinking with the black sea and star-studded sky reflected in his eyes, I can’t take my eyes off him, feeling both nostalgic and amazed.

After catching my breath, I stared at him intently. Perhaps feeling my gaze, he turned his head towards me. The gentle curve of his lips as our eyes meet was identical to the smile I saw before falling asleep. Of course, it couldn’t be exactly the same. This young face showed no trace of worry. It was the way he was back then when he didn’t know about sleepless nights without his medication, when he was content to just be with me…

I wanted to ask him if he expected the feelings he felt for me to develop so much. That, despite how much I love you, hyung, I sometimes feel as if I can’t keep up with the depth of your emotions? I’d like to follow you carefully, so could you tell me a little bit more about yourself? But the person to ask isn’t the Tae Seong-je at present, but the one from that day.

As I silently gazed at him, sunbae grasped the back of my hand. From that moment, time began to slow down. Moving slower than a turtle, even the sound of waves faded away. Eyes that had been filled with the sea now held only me, and those pleasantly upturned lips drew closer to mine. Wait, I don’t remember this. Before I could be flustered by this fabricated memory, our lips were already almost touching. Well, whatever. It’s just a dream.

As my heart pounded loudly, sunbae whispered. ‘It’s okay.’ The whisper seemed to seep between my lips, then brushed past my ear and fled. ‘You can just leave with me.’

“…”

Leave where? When I woke up, slowly blinking my heavy eyelids, I almost burst into laughter. I wondered what nonsense that was, but it was something he had said in a dream I had once. When I was pinned down and couldn’t do anything, scared that I couldn’t get out, he had casually said let’s leave together, and now he appears again saying it’s okay… As I tilted my head slightly to the side, tears that had welled up in my sleep trickled down, wetting the pillow. Seeing the same face I had seen in the dream made me smile. So, we did leave together. I felt a mix of slight dejection and relief, and all my strength drained away.

We were now sleeping facing each other. From beginning to end, from before sleep to after waking, able to look at and confirm each other’s presence.

I wiped away my tears and reached out to press my fingertips firmly between his brows. Is he having a bad dream? Since it was prime sleeping time, rather than waking him, I gently massaged his face to improve blood circulation. Starting from his cheeks, I firmly kneaded his ears too, and seeing his face become somewhat peaceful, I gazed at him for a long time. As I was sliding my finger down the bridge of his nose, our eyes met. He had opened his eyes, but I knew well that he wasn’t fully awake. Unless I tried to wake him forcibly, it would take another hour or two for him to naturally wake up.