DI Ch 42

“Let’s have a drink…”

“Yeah… let’s drink. This fucking world… Should we do cheers? What should we say? Let’s make those bastards who do creepy things behind our backs disappear, cheers?”

“…”

Suddenly, I wondered what made me different from Kang Moo-hyun. I purposefully approached Woo Ji-min with the intention of returning home, but I never thought of wanting to be close with him. Despite my guilt, I raised my glass and chose to ignore it. The desire to go home was stronger than any sense of guilt.

We were so pleasantly drunk that it was a shame to part ways. It seemed like Woo Ji-min felt the same way, as he bit his lips with a hint of regret. We eventually went outside and began singing, but then I noticed a convenience store. While looking around the store, I reached out and grabbed at the air, but ended up grabbing Woo Ji-min’s collar instead. I wanted to eat ice cream.

“Hyung, let’s eat ice cream.”

“Uh, now? Well. Okay. Let’s go!”

Woo Ji-min was the first to enter the convenience store, eagerly looking for ice cream. I tried to follow him, but I got distracted and wandered in front of the jelly and gum section, craving something sweet. As I turned around with my hands full, I felt like I had to buy ramen.

I’ve never really wanted to eat ramen, but strangely, I really wanted to buy it. There were so many different kinds of ramen that I couldn’t hold it all in my arms. Oh, I’ll be thirsty if I eat this. I need to buy some drinks too.

“Hyung. Ji-min hyung. Can you help me with this?”

“What, you want me to buy all that? Are you hungry?”

“It’s not like that, it’s just…”

“No way, are you drunk and trying to rob the convenience store? No, no. Put it back. How are you going to eat all of that?”

Woo Ji-min firmly shook his head. But I couldn’t bear to put it down.

“…Then just choose one from there, and let’s have ice cream. I’ll buy it for you.”

“Really? Thank you… But can’t I choose two more?”

“Aren’t we going to a bar later? How are you going to carry all that? I’ll buy you everything you want to eat. Huh? Put it back.”

Woo Ji-min patted my back and calmed me down. I couldn’t figure out why it was so hard to put down the bag of jelly. I reluctantly put the handful of ramen back in its place, feeling a tinge of regret.

“Ah, you’re such a good boy. So kind. Seung-won listens well and is really a good boy.”

Woo Ji-min would reach out his hand and gently pat my head, saying I was a good boy every time I let go of what I was holding onto. Woo Ji-min’s face when he looked up at me while drunk was stunning. I suppose it was the same in the eyes of others. We had just left the convenience store and were eating ice cream in front of the bar when a thug-like man approached us. The man literally began flirting with Woo Ji-min. I looked around, thinking I’d walked into a gay bar, but it was just a regular bar.

I was surprised to see a guy confidently asking another guy for his phone number, but I was equally amazed by Woo Ji-min’s natural and effortless way of politely declining. Woo Ji-min waved his hand with an expression that said he had enough of the alcohol and walked away. This situation seemed quite familiar.

Woo Ji-min suddenly left the bar without a word and started walking aimlessly. I followed behind him as Woo Ji-min sat down beneath a secluded wall and lit a cigarette. He smoked silently for a while, flicking the ash with his thin, bony fingers. Then he looked at me with a realization in his eyes as he noticed me sitting quietly beside him.

“Do you smoke?”

“No.”

“Ah, sorry. I’ll just smoke this. If you don’t like it, you can go somewhere else… or stay away.”

“It’s okay. I’ll wait.”

He smiled at my words.

“This used to be my spot. I used to work around here.”

This street held the memories of his youth. It was a place where people walked around with smiles on their faces, even in the rain. Sitting next to Woo Ji-min, I watched people passing by in the alley. I noticed them glancing over. Were they juniors? The students passed by whispered without caring about being heard. Woo Ji-min had a tough time too. I took a hat out of my backpack and put it on his head. Woo Ji-min seemed a bit surprised but smiled once and pushed down my hat.

“It’s embarrassing.”

“What is?”

“Getting hit on by men.”

Woo Ji-min, who had been smoking a cigarette in silence, muttered as he crushed the end of his cigarette.

“… I’m glad you don’t care about rumors. I’m glad. I’m really glad. Because right now, I feel so pathetic.”

I was curious about what kind of rumors could make the usually confident Woo Ji-min nervous. However, Woo Ji-min didn’t tell me the rumor himself. I held my knees together as I stared at the ants crawling on the ground. They crawled diligently, carrying small crumbs on their backs, as if they were returning home after finding food.

“You know… I have something I’m curious about. Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah? What is it?”

“Why did you come to the general meeting?”

As I leaned my cheek against my lap and looked at him, Woo Ji-min looked straight into my eyes, taking a long drag on his cigarette. Beautiful. I muttered to myself and blurted out what I wanted to say.

“Hyung, you don’t seem to like people in our department, so I wonder why you came to that place.”

“That’s right, I don’t. I don’t like it…”

Woo Ji-min muttered almost to himself.

“I just felt lonely… Well, I regretted it as soon as I arrived.”

I could understand why Woo Ji-min would accept Kang Moo-hyun. He spent a difficult time with people and situations until the end. Woo Ji-min had never experienced normal love. He lamented and wondered if he was destined for such a fate.

Back in the days when I didn’t know anything, I needed a place to rely on, just like I went to see someone I met through random chatting with my younger sister. The house was too suffocating for me, and the whole situation was too much. That moment was very difficult for me as a child.

If I didn’t have my younger sister by my side and a crazy guy like Kang Moo-hyun had dragged me to believe in him, I might have followed him. Even if such a person whispers to me that he will not leave my side and will help me, I would believe him at least once. We sat for a long time watching the night street, sitting together like people in distress on a road in a college town with cars speeding by and many people coming and going.

It felt like a night that couldn’t reach Woo Ji-min’s life for some reason. Things that I had sarcastically dismissed as not being possible came flooding back to me. At the same time, I had a strange uneasy feeling. Raindrops landed on the back of my hand. Raindrops that fell on the tip of my nose quickly began to scatter, leaving rain marks on the ground.

“It’s raining.”

“It looks like it’s going to pour soon.”

“Maybe we should just go home. It’s a little colder than it was earlier, and I feel like I might catch a cold if I stay out.”

I noticed Woo Ji-min rubbing his skinny forearm after I looked down from the suddenly pouring sky. I took off my jacket and draped it over his shoulder, Woo Ji-min raised his head and his eyes widened as I did so.

“Oh, hey. I didn’t ask for your clothes.”

“I’m not cold. Just wear it.”

“I won’t be responsible if you catch a cold.”

Woo Ji-min smiled and wore my jacket without hesitation. Seeing him wearing the loose-fitting jacket, I felt a sense of wanting to protect him. I can’t believe I feel this way about a man. He was indeed the protagonist.

“Should I call two taxis?”

“I have an umbrella, so I’m going to walk.”

“Did you know it would rain today? You could have told me.”

“No, I always carry it with me.”

“You’re well-prepared.”

While waiting for the taxi, Woo Ji-min took shelter from the rain under a secluded wall and smoked the cigarette he hadn’t finished. Seeing him unable to resist smoking during that short time, it seemed like he was quite addicted. Woo Ji-min… I wondered if he smoked more than Tae Seong-je. Tae Seong-je naturally came to mind.

Tae Seong-je used to smoke a lot of cigarettes, but he said he was trying to smoke less now. He has been gradually reducing the amount before we met and even after. It seemed like he was reluctant to become addicted. He liked to be rational, to be in control of the situation, and he despised anxiety and uneasiness. When he fell into nicotine addiction, he immediately reduced the amount and chose candy as an alternative to soothe his restless mouth. From this, I could see how much he disliked getting caught up in something.

The last time I contacted him, he said he was enjoying the candy I bought him and asked me to buy him another one. Actually, what I bought at the time was paid with his money, and it was faster for him to buy it himself than for me to buy it for him. We both knew that.  But when he asked, I said I would.

When I quickly put an umbrella over Woo Ji-min’s head as he was about to get into a taxi, he smiled faintly.

“See you again.”

I twirled the umbrella as I watched the taxi drive away. It was a melancholic night. I decided to walk home to sober up a bit, but I thought of Tae Seong-je again. Why is he so busy that he doesn’t answer my calls? I impulsively sent a message with the umbrella hanging between my neck and shoulder.

1 [19:49] B u s s y?

Despite the fact that I thought I sent it correctly, I ended up canceling the message before it was sent and repeating the process. However, even after waiting for a while, the 1 didn’t disappear, and there was no reply either. Were gangsters usually this busy? They seem to appear less busy in movies. I wished it was already mid-May. I hoped he would have so much free time that he would come to see me. I really missed Tae Seong-je. I missed Tae-sung so much, I wanted to eat with him, I wanted him to tease me, I wanted to be with him.