DI Ch 56

“Ah… No, I’m not that young.”

“Sure…”

The man replied indifferently to my words, then looked at me carefully and said,

“Excuse me. I’m sorry, but, uh, hang in there.”

“Huh? Oh, yes…”

I was about to ask why he should feel sorry for me being in pain, but he seemed to be trying to make some kind of polite gesture, so I just smiled instead. In response, the man, who had been looking sullen, smiled back at me. Both of us smiled awkwardly for a while until the sound of footsteps in the corridor subsided, and then the man hesitated to speak.

“By the way, I’m sorry, but can we just pretend this never happened?”

“Never happened?”

“No, this is… I thought that if Hyung-nim knew about it, it would cause some inconvenience…”

I reassured him not to worry about it, and that it wouldn’t be difficult for me to understand his concern, and he seemed to relax a bit. He bowed several times with a twinkle in his eyes that didn’t quite match his tough exterior. Feeling uncomfortable, I awkwardly did the same and bowed.

“Goodbye.”

“Yes. Please go in.”

The man was polite until the end to me who looked so young. He was such a nice person that I felt ashamed to be intimidated by his face and aura. A disturbing feeling swept through my body along with the heavy silence as I closed the door with a faint smile. I remained motionless and lifted my head slightly. I was drawn to the bag that had been turned inside out to dry it out. I stepped out onto the veranda and slowly lowered my backpack. It felt bad that it was still damp, but I didn’t care and hugged the empty bag tightly with both arms.

Even if it’s not enough, I know my future. Even with my body like this, I never skipped exercise and built up my stamina. And in case unexpected things happen, I got my driver’s license and learned self-defense as well. It would not be an exaggeration to say that I was fully prepared. So honestly, I thought there was nothing more to worry about. However, a person’s future can never be predicted, and I never thought that there would be unforeseen circumstances.

I couldn’t even beat Seo Seung-joon, who was two years younger than me, with all my strength. When I’m in so much pain, my strength drains away, making self-defense and everything else useless. And what if that man was not Tae Seong-je’s subordinate, but Tae Seong-je’s enemy and the person who would kidnap me? I would have been dragged helplessly in a defenseless state. I didn’t even want to imagine what would happen after that.

Feeling disheartened, I looked outside and then saw the man. With a heavy heart, I followed his movements. Then, a little farther away, he was getting into a familiar car. With a furrowed brow, I racked my brain and tried to remember. Now that I thought about it, that car had been around here for a few days.

So, that’s the person watching me.

I leaned against the window looking down at the man with a lingering sadness. If I were to find out that my lover had hired someone to keep an eye on me, it would send shivers down my spine and feel terrifying. However, perhaps because I knew Tae Seong-je’s people were exceptionally vigilant about their own boss, that man felt more like a human CCTV to me. That’s why I didn’t feel anything special. Just… I just thought so.

Taking my gaze off the human CCTV, I settled back in the room and filled my bag. After arranging everything neatly, I carefully zipped it shut. Holding the now heavy bag, I entered the bathroom. I didn’t want to take my eyes off even for a second due to the anxiety that all my preparation would be in vain if I made a mistake. Since the bag had waterproof capabilities, I planned to leave it in the bathroom while I took a shower. However, when I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I was horrified to see myself.

“Oh, this is crazy…”

The reason I was frightened was nothing else, but the large handprint on the nape of my neck. The red handprints on my neck gave the impression that I had been strangled by a big man. Unfortunately, Seo Seung-won’s skin was prone to marks, so the handprint was very clear. Only then did I realize why the man had told me to hang in there, so I felt frustrated.

I thought about calling Tae Seong-je to explain that it seemed like there was a misunderstanding, but… Suddenly, I remembered that I had made a promise to the man not to say anything.

“No, why did I make such a promise…”

My headache worsened, making my forehead throb even more. My head ached even more as my thoughts piled up, but I forced myself to stop worrying and lowered my arms that had been covering my face for quite some time. I’ll think about it after I’ve gone to bed. Seo Seung-won’s face in the mirror was bloodless and white as if he were about to collapse. After roughly finishing the shower, I put powdered cold medicine into a cup of hot water. I felt warm inside after I emptied the steaming cup.

“… But why is it sweet?”

Even if it’s like lemon tea, in the end, it’s medicine, so it should taste bitter, but strangely, it was just sweet. It couldn’t be this sweet. Peering underneath the teacup, I saw that the remaining medicine had thickened and settled at the bottom. That meant I would have to drink the bitter water after all. So, I poured a little more hot water and emptied the cup again. The medicine was still so bitter, and I couldn’t taste any sweetness.

Eventually, I couldn’t stand the bitter taste and found the candy Tae Seong-je had left behind and put it in my mouth. The sour and sweet lime flavor spread through my mouth, alleviating the bitterness. Still, if I hadn’t caught a cold, I wouldn’t have had to eat this bitter taste. I grunted inwardly and lay down on the bed, placing the still slightly damp backpack next to the pillow. I was about to turn off my phone and get good sleep, but I couldn’t help but feel sorry for Tae Seong-je, so I left a message.

1 [12:23] Hyung, I’m really sorry…

Feeling uneasy, I sent one more message.

1 [12:23] I won’t do that next time…

It was more of a confessional text. Tae Seong-je would probably just let it slide and not care, but I couldn’t help myself, so I sent it. In the end, all I could hope for was that the man was too scared of Tae Seong-je, and wouldn’t even mention it to anyone else.

Determined not to make reckless promises like that again, I flipped my phone over and closed my eyes.

When I sleep, I dream, and it’s without a doubt about my past. However, to be honest, it made me feel uncomfortable to watch my memories like this. Perhaps it was because I saw myself more objectively. So sometimes, some memories were a bit embarrassing and frustrating. Still, I understood. Even though they were actions and attitudes I chose myself, I was young. Teenagers aren’t perfect. Despite hearing people say that I was mature for my age, I knew that at that time, I was clumsy, naive, and young, so I had to cut myself some slack and watch over myself to some extent. But the problem of conflicting personalities was a different matter from understanding.

‘No, why the hell am I doing that?’

For the first time, I closed my eyes instead of watching my memory. The young me was snooping in an alley where a gang fight was taking place. Why get involved instead of just calling the police? In reality, I looked more shocked than just watching, but even so, it was really pathetic to see myself not moving and just silently watching.

‘Oh, what are you going to do? Uh, why are you trying to run away together?”

I unintentionally mumbled in frustration and then sighed. I had managed to drag one person away while getting involved in the fight. People’s personalities are reconstructed based on their surroundings and experiences, regardless of their inherent qualities. This meant that the me who diligently held onto one person and ran away was different from the me who was gradually losing my memories.

Why in the world would I, a high school student at that age get involved in a gang fight, and why would I pull someone out of it?

Why couldn’t I make rational judgments and ended up stepping forward… Where did I learn this? I shook my head in frustration, feeling disgusted with myself, but then, I momentarily paused at a vague sense of déjà vu. I had done the same thing to Tae Seong-je before. The memory that emerged was embarrassing, and even in the dream, my face turned red with shame. I didn’t have the ability to see myself objectively.

While I blushed in embarrassment, the younger version of myself, who looked like a middle school student, was approaching me. At that moment, the high school student who had been dragged by the young me suddenly stopped, and the young me couldn’t resist the recoil, turning around and accidentally bumping into the man’s chest.

‘Ohh… It must be hurt.’

Knowing how painful that must have been, I instinctively held my nose along with the young me. At that time, my nose had slightly turned purple… The sight of the young me trembling and unable to even groan looked quite pitiful. The same seemed to apply to the male student.

– Fuck, what are you…

The low, harsh voice faded.

– You’re bleeding.

The male student grabbed my chin and carefully lifted me up.

– Is it because of me?

The tough and aggressive atmosphere melted away. The high school student tilted his head as he examined the young me’s complexion. His tenderness felt out of place, contrasting with his rough demeanor, making it somewhat unfamiliar. Without hiding my discomfort, I scanned the high school student from head to toe, taking note of his piercing and rough appearance, which clearly marked him as a troublemaker.

– Su-suddenly, ugh, I’m sorry, it’s just… I mean… uh…

I desperately defended myself for impulsively intervening and rushing into the fight. My voice, still unsteady due to the labored breathing, trembled. The high school student simply nodded in response to my words, glancing around before speaking matter-of-factly.

– Ah, never mind, just don’t talk.

– Uh, okay.

I managed to reply, though my breath was heavy and my face flushed. The young me tightly held onto the high school student’s sturdy wrist as I gasped for air. He calmly guided me to sit on a bench in the garden and took a seat beside me.

– There’s no tissue.

The high school student mumbled as he rummaged through his pockets. In response, the young me took off my backpack and started searching through it. When I handed him the tissue, he looked at it with surprise and burst into a laugh.

– You can’t give it to me.

– Ah.

– I don’t need it, it’s what you need.

The high school student spoke tenderly as if asking when I became so brazen. He took the tissue from my hand and gently covered my nose. I tried to respond feebly, but he couldn’t hold back his laughter for long. After a while, he spoke in a laughter-free voice.

– Next time, just walk away. Don’t get involved in fights without thinking. You’ll end up getting hurt, and you’ll be the only one at a loss.

– But…

I looked at the back of his hand and opened my mouth cautiously.

– It hurts when you get hit…

My words made the high school student fall silent. I couldn’t see his face, so I couldn’t read his expression, but somehow I felt like he was taken aback. As the young me stood in front of him and continued.

– And also, well, if you get hit by multiple people, it hurts even more…

– What? What are you talking about? I was the one beating them up.

The male student said as if it was absurd.

– What. Don’t you know me?

What kind of confidence and bravado is this? It was rather amusing to see a high school student acting like this, considering he wasn’t a celebrity or anything.

‘Wait a minute. Come to think of it, this school uniform, it’s the one from our high school, right?’

It was the high school uniform I had worn in reality. As soon as I realized that, I was astounded. Even my voice sounded clear. He was my senior. In my dream, I knew that my perception abilities were quite weak, but not being able to recognize the same person was surprising.

– Uh, yes. I don’t know…

The young me replied awkwardly, tilting my head in confusion. But soon, as if understanding something, the high school student put on a meaningful expression and mentioned his name. Then, the young me stood up from the bench, completely at a loss for what to do. I heard ■■■ in my ears, but I understood why I was so shocked. I was scared of the senior’s rumors. As a perceptive person, the senior probably realized that, and he exaggeratedly acted sad, pretending to be disappointed.

– I guess you heard my rumors too. They say I’m the son of a gangster and that I pick on other students just for fun… It’s all nonsense.

– Yes?

– It’s quite a rumor to stick on a freshman like you, isn’t it? Thanks to that, I can’t even walk around the school in peace. It’s really annoying.

The senior shrugged playfully with a mischievous attitude. I stepped back in response to his attitude denying the rumors. The young me leaned towards the senior, unable to contain my curiosity, and whined. My nose was already used to the smell of tobacco and didn’t bother me anymore.

– So that’s all lies? But why did such rumors spread?

– It’s because a lot of people don’t like me, that’s all.

– Ah…

To be honest, I was like a delicate flower inside a greenhouse. I had grown up quite sheltered, to the point where I wouldn’t even make up lies about someone if I disliked them. In the midst of thinking about what should I say, the young me picked up the tissue I had dropped and looked at the senior.

– I’m sorry… I believed those rumors before, but I won’t believe them now.

– What? You don’t believe it now?

– Yes. You said you’re not that kind of person.

– … Well, that’s true, but…

The senior muttered like someone who had just been hit.

– You’re the first person to believe me.

For a moment, I unconsciously relaxed my frowned expression. No matter how mature he seemed, the senior was still a young boy. Handling violent rumors entangled with his personal life must have been challenging. Even teachers viewed him with caution, so I knew how much he must have struggled. With a sense of pity, I sat next to my younger self, observing us as we engaged in conversation.

Before I knew it, a bird fluttered in the sky as the sun was about to set. Distant car horns sounded. It was a bit boring just listening for the conversation to unfold, but watching my younger self was not entirely unpleasant.

The senior who looked at the sky for a while tapped me on the cheek and stood up from his seat.

– Thanks to you, it was fun. Bye.

He started walking away without a trace of lingering. Both my younger self and I watched him and his shadow, seemingly silently impressed. Despite everything, he just left so straightforwardly. My younger self might have thought the same, as I suddenly felt compelled to follow the senior, rushing after him.

I unknowingly clicked my tongue. It was common for young boys to admire those who were good at fighting. Little did I know that it would be the starting point of following my senior. I felt a bit annoyed at myself. Memories tend to be romanticized, yet when I saw them realistically, it felt embarrassing to realize how much I admired him.

‘But wait, how far was I planning to follow him?’

The senior seemed determined not to look back, yet I kept following him. So, did I grab him or give up? I couldn’t remember, so it remained unknown. I was alone, watching their backs, when I suddenly noticed the bag hanging off my back.

‘Oh, right, I had some ointment.’

I suddenly realized I should have given him some ointment or a band-aid and wondered why I hadn’t done so at the time. I’m not sure why, but I felt sorry for them. Even though my memory was fading, it seemed to remain like teacup leftovers in a corner of my heart.