DI Ch 57

Ding. Ding, ding, ding.

For the past week, the annoying sound of KakaoTalk messages had been driving me crazy. Park Kang-woo said he would contact me from time to time and I didn’t think he would do it obsessively, but I couldn’t understand why he bothered me so much. Now, even hearing someone else’s KakaoTalk notification was enough to irritate me, but if I put it on silent mode, I would miss messages from Woo Ji-min and Tae Seong-je. And I couldn’t block Park Kang-woo, who was Seo Seung-won’s friend, so it was a headache.

“Where are you going? The classroom is this way.”

“Oh.”

I suddenly came to my senses at Woo Ji-min’s pointing and turned around. His annoyed gaze made me feel as if he pitied me, and it was a bit embarrassing. My warm face felt even hotter with embarrassment. How many days has it been like this? As I wiped my cheeks, he told me to snap out of it, so I nodded slowly in response.

“Thank you. But, Sunbae, you have a morning break today. You don’t need to help me on a day like this…”

“It’s fine. I was going to the library early anyway, so I helped you along the way. Don’t worry about it.”

“Still, it feels like you’ve been bothered since the day before yesterday.”

“Ah, forget about it. If it was bothersome, I wouldn’t have offered to help in the first place. I just remembered when I was sick, so don’t feel burdened.”

Woo Ji-min, who grumbled irritably as if it were a habit, looked me up and down before clicking his tongue in concern.

“Colds are scary this year. They last so long. Hasn’t it been more than a week?”

I nodded in affirmation and fixed my collar slightly. When the breeze touched my hot skin, it felt somewhat refreshing. If I were an ordinary person, a simple cold and body ache might have been cured with just one pill and some rest. But I wondered if this body was that ordinary. I didn’t know that the low-grade fever I had usually was the cause of my prolonged cold.

As I pondered that my body might not be compatible with typical illnesses, Woo Ji-min, who had his arms crossed, smiled gently and reached out to tidy up my bangs.

“You don’t like your grades being affected by being sick, right?”

“Yes…”

“Yeah, I thought so. Anyway, I’ll contact you after class. Let’s have lunch together.”

“Yes.”

Yesterday, he said that there was a health food restaurant he knew, so today’s lunch must have been Samgyetang made with medicinal herbs. I wondered if I can be the one who pay for today’s lunch. I’ve eaten on his treat more than once, and now I really wanted to be the one to pay for once. But I’ve never succeeded before, so I was hesitant. Woo Ji-min is truly the most sensitive and gentle person I’ve ever seen. He’s been helping me for days while I’m down with a cold, even buying me food. No wonder whenever my classmates say he’s as cold-hearted and ruthless as his reputation suggests, I find myself defending him.

“Aren’t you going in? What are you doing here?”

Someone tapped on my back and spoke. When I turned around, it was a classmate whose name I wasn’t sure whether it was Lee Eun-ji or Lee Na-eun.

“Just waiting.”

“You’re not going in?”

“In a little while.”

“Okay? Then I’ll go in first. See you inside.”

My classmate, who either Lee Eun-ji or Lee Na-eun glanced briefly over my shoulder and then entered the classroom with a smile. As I was about to turn back to Woo Ji-min, another KakaoTalk message from Park Kang-woo started vibrating. Is he insisting that I reply right now? If he keeps this up, I might develop nervous fatigue; I should tell him to stop but at that moment…

I began to hear a soft murmuring voice in my ear. It wasn’t something that started suddenly; it was the voices people have been making all along, but I’ve never paid attention to them. However, this time, I listened carefully. All the people in the corridor had their eyes fixed on Woo Ji-min

“Is that him?”

“Yeah, it must be.”

“Such a waste of a face.”

Subtle glances and whispers, snickers, scoffs…

Amusingly, it was then that I realized. Rumors may not matter to me, but they do to Woo Ji-min. As I turned around with a stiff body, there he was, with his usual confident expression. Through his words, I could sense his dreams and goals. He was an orphan with nothing, so he wanted to elevate his own worth within his capabilities.

In Woo Ji-min’s eyes, worthiness meant being able to receive love, become someone’s husband, and be a father. But how could someone maintain composure when their reputation and honor were in freefall? I couldn’t even begin to imagine the depth of Woo Ji-min’s inner struggles. His core might be so broken beyond my comprehension.

As if asking why I wasn’t going in, Woo Ji-min gestured for me to go inside quickly.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

“Ah… I should go in.”

“Yeah, get yourself together, and see you later.”

Woo Ji-min nonchalantly left as if he didn’t hear anything around him. But he once told me that he felt unjust and lonely. He said he disliked people, yet yearned for human relationships. Living was painful, but he wanted to do his best. He had definitely said that to me.

I watched his retreating back as I entered the classroom but my heavy body pulled me to a halt. I looked at Woo Ji-min’s back once again. Ah, I underestimated your life. You are such a good person, striving for your dreams and goals, yet I am waiting in silence for a fate you don’t desire for my own purpose. I’ve deceived you.

A drop of blood touched my lips, and I instinctively turned my nose away, searching for a tissue to wipe off the stain. A fellow student from my first-year major courses was taken aback when they saw me in such a state. They asked if I was okay, but I absentmindedly nodded my head without really listening.

Like a person possessed by a ghost, I suddenly got up from my seat and left the classroom. As I stepped outside the building, the sunlight felt unusually radiant. Why did I come out here? I felt strangely out of sorts and my feet were shaking. As I stood there dazed, someone grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me around. It was the Student rep.

“… What?”

Then, with a slightly shocked expression, he mumbled.

“No, because you suddenly left… I’m worried… ”

“Oh… I’m just not feeling well… that’s why.”

It was a true statement, though it sounded like an excuse in my own ears. Perhaps I was just feeling lazy and tired, and I wanted to be left alone. Suppressing a sigh, I pointed towards the building where the health center was.

“I was going to lie down in the health center for a bit, that’s why I came out. Don’t worry about it and go back inside. The class is about to start.”

“Should I accompany you there?”

“… Why?”

“…”

The student rep seemed like they wanted to say something but ended up closing their mouth in a vague silence. I felt like there was nothing more to say, so I eventually excused myself and started walking away. However, in truth, I had no intention of going to the health center. But it seemed necessary to pretend to go there because of the student rep, who was still observing me from afar.

I turned in the direction of the health center, feeling miserable. Was it because of the cold? I felt so unwell that I wouldn’t be surprised if I collapsed right there. The exhaustion from the lingering illness was draining me, and my mood worsened as my body throbbed with pain, leaving my mind feeling desolate.

It was overwhelming enough to worry about when Seo Seung-joon would tell Seo Seung-won’s parents what he saw, and with Woo Ji-min complicating matters, I couldn’t calm down my emotions that started to run amok. I pressed my hand against my nose that kept bleeding like a leaky faucet, and tried to hold back the tears welling up. My forehead was covered in cold sweat.

Ding, ding, ding… The incessant notifications from Park Kang-woo’s messages fueled my anxiety, and it felt like my head would explode at any moment. At this rate, I was sure I would do something crazy. The anxiety and tears started to gather, making me feel panic.

In a moment of impulse, I called Tae Seong-je. I wasn’t even sure why I was calling him, but I had a strong feeling that hearing his voice would make things better. I didn’t need him to tell me that everything would be okay. Just his voice would be enough. I just needed to hear his voice.

[The number you have dialed cannot be reached. Please leave a voicemail…]

Even if he was busy, he always returned my calls when I had a cold. Maybe he would pick up this time too. Yeah, right. When was the last time he actually answered my calls? Trying to calm my quickened breath, I took several deep breaths, and the tears and blood drops that had gathered on my face fell to the floor with soft thuds. Suddenly, frustration welled up inside me, and I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I clenched my teeth to suppress it.

I won’t get sick again. It’s just because of this cold. I won’t get sick again. I said it to myself, determined not to let it happen again.

“Fuck, seriously…”

This was what Tae Seong-je would say. If he had a miserable body in this damn world, he would curse and swear, unable to endure the pain. I bent my knees and buried my head between my legs, trying to find solace in the darkness. Other than the faint sounds echoing around, the surroundings were eerily quiet. It felt as if I was left alone in the world.

But after a while, a ringtone from somewhere nearby broke the silence. As I sat absent-mindedly, the familiar sound made me realize it was my phone. I took my phone and saw it was Tae Seong-je calling.