DI Ch 79

Part 1 Tae Seong-je was understanding, knew his boundaries to some extent, and was genuinely affectionate. He didn’t know about his own family background and hadn’t planned any revenge schemes. So, even if I knew a bit about it, it shouldn’t cause any problems. There’s still a high likelihood that things will proceed as in the original storyline…

As I was thinking about this, I felt a sense of unease creeping in. Tae Seong-je had been affectionate towards Seung-won to the point where even Seo Seung-won himself would be confused. But the affection of a lover without love was nothing but a form of torture. In the end, Seo Seung-won was exhausted by that cruel affection.

I was so relieved that it was part 1 that I forgot about it again. Tae Seong-je may be a kind person, but his kindness wasn’t genuine.

While I was in shock, as if I had been hit in the back of the head, Tae Seong-je spoke.

“Seo Seung-won. Are you scared of me?”

His voice had no pitch, unlike his raised lips.

“You’re scared of me now?”

Am I scared of you? For a moment, I envied Tae Seong-je. He would never understand what I was scared of. I was scared of his affection. I’m afraid that his relaxed, easy-going demeanor that made me want to leave everything behind and just get lost in him was actually nothing to him.

Suddenly, the silence in the room felt deafening. My heart raced with anxiety, and it felt like hundreds of ants were crawling on my skin. It felt like it was all over, and I was trembling in fear.

We weren’t even long-term lovers, and we didn’t have a life-and-death relationship. I felt like even a small injury would make me burst into tears. I clenched my nails into my forearm to hold back tears, but then he suddenly spoke.

“But you already knew.”

Tae Seong-je picked up the slightly melted ice pack and gently placed it on my head. He spoke softly, but sarcastically, as I shrugged my shoulders from the cold ice.

“You knew I was a gangster. You noticed this a long time ago, and now you’re fucking act scared. Such a pretense.”

I raised my head in surprise. Pretense? I was completely taken aback. Heartless affection, gangsters, and all that… Only now did I realize that ‘that Tae Seong-je’ had been acting all along! The calculated pretense he had shown during all this time flashed through my mind. My mouth fell open in shock.

“Waah. Hyung, a pretense…”

“Yeah, you. You’ve known me all along, but you’re scared now?”

No, not me, you… I really couldn’t believe that he was pretending to be someone other than Tae Seong-je. And he’s supposed to be pretending? Isn’t ‘Tae Seong-je’ a word that seems quite distant from describing an adult man, let alone fitting him?

I wondered if I was mistaken. However, his overtly frank behavior, eye contact, and rough tone only fueled my suspicions. And I knew that even if Tae Seong-je pretended to act lovingly, he was never the type to put on a show.

As I contemplated the past, I opened my mouth. Why? Why me? As my mind raced, my gaze seemed to sparkle. Of course, it was because he liked me. Whether it was love, I couldn’t be sure, but I felt confident that he liked me.

I was thrilled and delighted that he liked me more than I thought. I don’t know how long that feeling will last, but I loved this moment so much that I felt like I was full of adrenaline. Tae Seong-je began speaking as I was fully realizing his hidden feelings.

“If you have a long tail, you can get caught.”

“No, hyung.”

I roughly waved my hand to indicate that it wasn’t important right now. In response, he grabbed my wrist firmly and stubbornly looked at me with a smirk.

“There were moments when I thought I might get caught, but you petulantly pretended not to know. So I wanted to show you this.”

Hold on. There were moments like that? I couldn’t think of anything that I pretended not to know because there were many times I passed them without noticing. Even now, when he pointed it out, I couldn’t think of anything. Had I really been living so thoughtlessly?

“At first, I was skeptical too. So, I thought it wasn’t that you were pretending not to know, but that you didn’t have any clue.”

If you say that, I have no choice but to admit that I pretended not to know…

“At first, I wondered if I was wrong too. So I thought maybe it’s not that you’re pretending not to know but that you really don’t have a clue.”

If he said that, I had no choice but to admit that I pretended not to know…

“But if you’re going to act, do it properly. You blatantly show it, wagging your tail without a care. How can you not know?”

“Wagging tail… No, hyung, I didn’t do that.”

The end of the sentence rose in frustration. However, despite my resistance, he criticized me with a confident voice.

I protested, feeling wronged. Despite my protests, he confronted me with confidence.

“Don’t play dumb. You did it at least a dozen times a day, on the same topic.”

Dozen times a day, not just once. I clenched my fists in frustration. It was the first time he treated me like a naive fox from the old days, and I couldn’t control my expression. But then, Tae Seong-je’s expression subtly changed.

“You’re saying it didn’t happen?”

“Yes.”

As expected, he quickly saw through my unfairness and found the truth. Had I not seen this side of him before?

“Why not? Are you crazy?”

“…Yeah.”

That’s right. I saw it in a bad light back then. He’s so quick-witted… Wait.

“Me? Are you saying I’m crazy?”

I thought it was natural for Tae Seong-je to be shocked that I almost let it side. Why am I crazy? Does that mean I’m crazy if I don’t wag my tail? Why is his thinking so extreme? He’s probably the crazy one! In response to my protest, Tae Seong-je started to come off as intimidating.

“Then what kind of sane person would pretend not to know that their lover is a gangster? Even thinking about it again, it’s ridiculous. Is this really crazy or immature?”

“That!”

My clenched fists shook. I flushed deeply as I locked my gaze on Tae Seong-je’s cold eyes, who had stopped talking as he waited for my response. The silence with only the sound of my heavy breathing was embarrassing and frustrating.

“That… is…”

Oh, how do I explain that I knew from the beginning? How can I say that I knew everything when I met him? As I struggled to answer, Tae Seong-je, who had been cooling my head with cold ice, urged me.

“You’re not saying it properly.”

“No, but why have you been getting angry all of a sudden? Is this something to get so angry about?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

Tae Seong-je shouted back. The guy who almost smashed my head just now was expressing his anger with such confidence that it both impressed and irritated me. I couldn’t understand why I had to lower myself, and I was becoming irritated. Why is he responding morally when he’s a gangster?

“Don’t get angry.”

“Do I look like I’m not angry right now?”

“We can just talk it out calmly!”

His jaw suddenly tightened, or rather, became rigid. Tae Seong-je shifted his gaze away from me as if scanning the ceiling to avoid my gaze. He spoke slowly after a brief pause. It was a sarcastically sharp remark.

“You’re quite a funny guy too. When did we ever have a proper conversation? Fine, let’s have the conversation you want. Why did you pretend not to know when you knew?”

His sharp and unfamiliar tone with pointed words caught me off guard for a moment. I had many things I wanted to say, but honestly, there was only one thing I could say.

“Like…”

“What like.”

“What can I do when I like…”

I don’t know if you know how I feel. I just want to love you until our end comes. I really don’t have any other desires other than that. Ah. No. I want a lot. There was so much I wanted. My eyes began to well up, and I blinked rapidly to stop my eyelids from becoming soaked.

My head ached as the emotions I had buried so deeply began to surface. I wanted to cry because it hurt so much—because I was so upset, so angry, and so tired. I loved Tae Seong-je so much that I missed saying his name, seeing his face, and hearing his voice.

“I like you so much… Hyung.”

“…”

There wasn’t much time left, but it was so mean of him to get angry at me without even knowing it. There wasn’t enough time to love, and I didn’t want to waste it on arguments like this. Tae Seong-je, who had been intimidating moments ago, opened his lips but then closed them. He turned his head, covering his mouth, and then stared at the empty sky for a while. His gaze was still fierce, but he didn’t utter any more sharp words. After a while, a deep sigh escaped his lips.

“Haa…”

I noticed it and wiped away my tears. Both of us had been strangely worked up, and now it felt like we had calmed down a bit. I felt a little embarrassed because it felt like we were fighting over something trivial. It was my first time having an argument, or rather, a love fight. Now that it seemed to be over, I didn’t know how to wrap it up.

I sniffled and then cleared my throat on purpose to hide my embarrassment.

“Ehem, anyway… don’t be mad. I’m not going to be mad at you either.”

I said this half-jokingly, half-seriously, as a signal to end it. Tae Seong-je, who had been gazing out the window, suddenly turned to face me and had an expression as if he had heard the most absurd nonsense. It was strange how a single expression could change the atmosphere so drastically. His bloody eyes suddenly reminded me of the eerie eyes of a dragon, sending chills down my spine.

“This is a funny guy. Who do you think you are getting mad at me like this?”

“Your, your lover.”

Then there was a loud sound! Something had cracked, it sounded like. I was startled by the sudden noise and tried to identify its source. I saw drops of water falling steadily from Tae Seong-je’s wet hand. It was the ice pack that had melted away. Oh, it seems I made another joke without reading the mood, or maybe I just touched the nerve of this guy. I regretted it deeply as the mood turned sour again.

“I thought this guy wasn’t in his right mind from the beginning, but he’s really crazy…”

Tae Seong-je, who had been muttering to himself, suddenly grabbed my cheek tightly.

“Uh, what?”

My eyes widened at the ominousness of it all, and he began to squeeze my cheek.

“Aaah, aaah. Hyung, it hurts!”

“No matter how I think about it, I can’t understand you. You don’t care if your lover is a gangster or a criminal as long as he has a handsome face? Have you gone crazy? Are you in your right mind? You’ve left your brain for studying and sold everything else, haven’t you?”

“Ah, hyung! Ouch, it really hurts!”

“This is going to ruin your life and you don’t even care.”

“Uh, hyung, wait, this really hurts!”

“Hey, if it’s going to be like this, why did you study so hard? Why did you even go to college if you’re just going to live recklessly? What’s the point of all this madness?”

I clenched my teeth instead of retorting to someone who wouldn’t listen to my words. If I kept going, I might actually get hit. Let’s not anger him further. Eventually, he released my cheek. I quickly took a step back, covering my numb cheek. Tae Seong-je then touched his forehead with a pained expression and said,

“So. Let’s break up before it completely ruins your life?”

“S-since I’ve ruined it, can’t you spend a little more time with me?”